Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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