there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
