we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize