He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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