I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize