Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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