I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
