we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
