conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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