you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
