You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize