when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
