Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
