how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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