The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
