no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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