so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize