ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
