So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize