i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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