i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
