i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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