So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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