My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
