my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
