You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you will always have a special place in my vag
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How naked do you want me to be?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
