Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
