we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
