no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
