and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize