My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
