Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
