Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
