you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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