It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
