I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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