Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
