i don't plan on having that self control this summer
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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