My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
