In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
