somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
