He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
