somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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