Someone shit on the floor
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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