i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
