quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its not stalking. its research.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
