No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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