do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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