my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
