I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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