dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
