He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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