Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize