Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
