for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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