I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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