sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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