We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
