the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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