Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
