i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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