I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
