The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
