His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
