She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
