This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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