I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
